(Hey my readers! I’m sorry that I didn’t post anything last week. I had some dental work to take care of that kept me out for the rest of the week. But I am back, and please enjoy the next chapter of Lizzie & Abby Diaries! Please read, like, comment and subscribe! Thank you! :))
So the Greek board found out about the fire at our Greek party. It’s not that I didn’t think they would, it’s just I didn’t expect them to take such drastic measures. Within three weeks, Ashley is able to convince the rest of the Greek council to remove the Beta Gamma Kappas probationary charter. Moana and Robbie tried to vote against it, but they were out ruled by everyone else. I heard that Kelsy voted with Ashley because she felt that we were providing exclusion by not inviting them to the formal along with the Alpha Annyas and Alpha Beta Phis, not to mention that we didn’t mention them when getting recognition for the donation/fundraiser we did. I just can’t believe Ashley was able to use that to make us look unfit!
I am so depressed about it that I am barely able to get out of bed for the next week. If it weren’t for the sweet messages from Charls, I would never want to get up again. He keeps saying things will get better, but how can they now? We have already lost our charter due to the board making us look irresponsible by causing a fire. It wasn’t even our fault!
Kim tells me not to worry for she will look more into it. She apparently thinks it was foul play.
“Considering none of us smoke and no one was seen smoking at the party, it makes me think it was an outside job,” she had said. “Someone must have slipped in and planted it to cause the fire.”
Of course, if that is true, that will mean a lot of trouble for whoever it is. That is more than just a prank. It’s practically arson! Whoever it was, could be charged legally. I only hope that Kimberly can get to the bottom of it.
I feel very anxious as I wait for Kimberly to investigate. At least my glass blowing class keeps me preoccupied. The class is getting more challenging with us making more complicated glass objects. So far I am really liking making glass vases and figurines. My professor also seems impressed with my designs which makes getting a good grade look very bright in my future.
After class that Saturday, I wonder downtown and end up at the campus grotto. Just outside standing with Ryder, is Brad.
“Hey Abby,” he says when he sees me. “I haven’t seen you around in a while.”
I stiffen. “I’ve been busy.”
“Do you think maybe we could talk?”
I roll my eyes. I can’t believe after he voted against me he has the never to try and be all nice to me.
“I’m not really in the mood, Brad.”
Brad sighs. “Abby, I know you’re still mad about the board’s decision.”
“I didn’t want to vote along with them.”
“Then why did you?”
We are both quiet for a minute.
“Look, could we just talk?”
I so badly want to say no and tell him to get lost, but with everything going on, I cave.
“Fine. I’m going in to play pool. You can join me if you want.”
I then turn and walk into The Grotto. Behind me I hear Brad tell Ryder that he would catch up with him later. That’s when I realize that I didn’t really even include him in our conversation. I must be really out of it.
Brad joins me a few seconds later over at the pool table and I let him break.
“So, start talking,” I say to him and slowly chalk up my pool stick.
Brad lines up to take a shot. “Well, as you know I am the president of Alpha Annya.”
I arch my eyebrow. “I’m aware of that, Brad. What does that have to do with anything?”
“Everything, Abby.” Brad takes a shot and knocks his ball down one of the holes. “As president and member of the Greek Council, I have responsibilities.” He then lines up to take another shot.
“Also, the Alpha Annyas and the Alpha Beta Phis are the two biggest Greek chapters on campus.”
I shuffle my pool stick back and forth between my hands. “So?”
“So, we try to stay in line with each other.”
I frown. “In other words, you’re in cahoots?”
Brad gives me a look. “I wouldn’t put it in those terms. More like we are allies. We support each other’s chapters and agree on the rules and petitions we discuss on the council.” Brad takes another shot and gets the ball right in again. He has definitely gotten better at this.
“When I voted against Ashley last time, it kind of went against our agreement. I was able to talk things over, but I don’t think I will be able to another time.”
Brad misses the next ball finally giving me the chance to take a shot. “So, you voted against my sorority to keep your truce with Ashley?”
Brad shrugs. “Basically.”
I take a shot, but end up messing it up. I am really off my game. “I don’t know how that is supposed to make me feel better.”
Brad rubs the back of his neck. “I know it doesn’t, but it’s just how things are. After the whole expulsion thing with the Tri-Fruhms, everyone has been a little weary of each other. No chapter has ever been expelled before the Tri-Fruhms and it was everyone’s hatred of them that led to them being expelled. So, some of the sororities and frats, well mostly just the Alpha Beta Phis and us, made a truce to prevent it from happening again.”
He misses the next ball so I am able to take another shot. “I see.” I hit the ball and manage this time to get it in.
“But I promise you Abby, if it weren’t for that, I would have voted alongside with Moana and Robbie. I want your sorority to become a full-fledge one on campus. I really think it will be great.”
I look at him over my shoulder. “You really believe that?”
Brad nods. “Absolutely.”
I smirk. For the first time in the past few weeks, I actually feel a pinch of happiness.
We continue the pool game until all the balls have all gone in. I end up catching up to Brad and even beat him by the end of the game.
Afterwards, I remember that I left my art painting in one of the classrooms in the art building and decide to quickly drive over to pick it up. My art professor normally leaves the room open until later to give the students a chance to paint during the weekends. Still, it was almost eight, so I knew the janitor would be locking the door soon.
I hurry inside and find my painting on an easel in the back. My professor was nice enough to put it somewhere safe and cover it. I unveil it and spend a minute and just looking at it.
“This building is pretty nice,” a voice says by my side. I look over and see Brad is standing not too far away.
“Brad!” I say in surprise. “What are you doing here? I thought you were still at the Grotto?”
Brad smiles. “I thought I would accompany you. You used to talk about the art building being in construction last year. I thought I would check it out.” He glances at the window. “The stain glass windows are pretty amazing. I wish we could do something like that at the frat house.”
I laugh and walk over to him. “Yes, I’m sure that would go well. Knowing some of those guys, it would probably be broken within a week.”
“Ha, ha,” Brad smirks. “Would you do it if I asked you to?”
I give him a funny smile. “Are you asking me?”
I smile. “Well, I don’t know how to do it exactly, but if I did…maybe. Your frat house’s windows could use some color.”
“And you do have amazing taste.”
I feel my cheeks tingle slightly. “Thank you.”
Brad smiles and tilts his head slightly. His blue eyes seem to soften and he gives me an intense look of affection. So much that I feel my cheeks turning pink.
“You know, I’ve forgotten just how beautiful you are,” he says.
I bite my lip. “Brad,” I say trying to look away, but he reaches up a hand and turns my face back to him.
“I’m serious. I don’t think I said it enough, but you really are beautiful. Especially your eyes. I would always seem to get a bit lost in them whenever we were together.”
I can feel my heart beginning to beat faster in my chest. I remember Brad saying things like this when we were still together, but never in the way he was now.
“Brad,” I start to say again, but then I stop.
At that moment, Brad leans toward me and kisses me. Just like that. With no warning. I am a bit thrown, but then something happens. I feel a heated sensation in my stomach move up into my chest and then before I can stop myself, I pull Brad to me and kiss him back.
I soon forget everything. I then start to remember Brad and how much we meant to each other. The way I used to feel when he held me in his arms and when he kissed me. It felt like so long ago, almost like an ancient memory, so for a few seconds, I feel lost in his kiss.
But just as quickly as he started kissing me, I push him away.
“Oh my gosh!” I say, feeling guilt set in. I get hit with the realization of what I have just done. I just kissed another guy, one who wasn’t my boyfriend!
Brad however, is smiling. “I’ve wanted to do that for some time,” he says. He then starts to lean toward me again, but I stop him.
“No Brad, I can’t!”
“Why?” Brad frowns. “Because of Charls? Forget that loser.”
“Brad! He’s my boyfriend!”
“Yes, but that can change-”
“No it can’t! I love him!” I am feeling worse and worse as all the excitement from the kiss starts wearing off greatly.
“Oh my gosh,” I say again. “This was a huge mistake! I have to go.”
I then hurry out of the Art building, not even bothering to fetch my painting. I just want to get as far away from Brad as possible.
When I get back to the sorority house, I don’t even bother saying goodnight to anyone. I don’t want them to see the shame and guilt on my face. I go straight up to my room and crawl into my bed. “Sleep is what you need,” I tell myself. Maybe I will wake up and this would all have been a bad dream.
The next few weeks of April are torture for me. Complete torture. I feel so lost without Michael; like I’m in limbo. I can’t tell if he actually broke up with me or not, and not knowing is definitely driving me insane. I want to call and talk to him, but after our talk several weeks ago, I know he is not going to answer me. So I decide to pour all my heartache into my homework and my novel. I also take some weeks away from the writing club to clear my thoughts. Not being around Kendal, I felt, would be helpful in figuring out my thoughts. Not that I really needed to worry. Kendal has been avoiding the writing club for weeks now and I know it is because of me. I don’t know exactly why, but I figure it is either because of Michael or because of the rumors spreading around campus about Beta Gamma Kappa.
After we had our probationary charter taken, we have become the talk of campus. The crazy thing is, it really isn’t our fault. I feel like there is some foul play at work, but we have no way to prove it. Kimberly is looking into it and I only hope she can find something. Not that my mind is really that occupied on that. I find myself glancing at my phone constantly to see if Michael has called or texted me. I really am a wreck.
Spending so much in my room typing starts to get to me, so I move downstairs to the computer room. Yes, that is what we turned the last empty room into. Curtesy of Kimberly and Janice, we have two desks with two nice computers. That way anyone who doesn’t have a laptop or wants some peace and quiet, can come down and type up papers or whatever. I have really taken advantage of it, finding being in the room the only time I am able to not think of Michael. Well, at least for a while.
Saturday, early May, I finish putting together my PowerPoint for my public relations project and then finally log off. I think that is enough work for the day. I then go into the family room and rest upon the sofa. It is funny to see how much the room has changed since we first moved in. It really is starting to feel like home to me. One that will be hard to leave when summer comes.
“Hey, Lizzie,” Janice says, walking into the room. “I feel like I haven’t spoken to you in almost a month. You’ve been so busy with school and your novel, and I’ve been totally focused on the whole protest thing.”
Janice was planning another protest to get more funding for the physical education programs. To do so, she has combined with the music and art programs to get more signatures and raise her chances of getting more funding.
“I know,” I say nodding. “How is the protest planning?”
“Good. I’ve been passing out flyers all week. I think it just might be a good turnout.”
“Using the Beta Gamma Kappa name?”
Janice grins. “You know it!”
I smile weakly and then glance at the floor.
Janice must have noticed my lack of enthusiasm. “Lizzie, what’s up?”
I glance over. “Huh?”
“You’ve been really down lately and I swear I heard you crying in your room last night.”
I feel a twinge of embarrassment. I had a bit of a setback yesterday and allowed myself to fall apart briefly. It has been over three weeks since I have heard from Michael and it is really, really starting to get to me.
I didn’t realize anyone could hear me though. I had tried to muffle my sobs with my pillow, but I guess it hadn’t helped.
“I-I’m sorry,” I stammer.
Janice shakes her head. “You don’t have to be sorry, I just want to know what’s going on. This is about Michael, isn’t it? What happened with you two?”
As much as I don’t want to talk about it, I realize, it’s about time I at least told someone. I then take a deep breath and confess everything to Janice. Everything about Kendal at the lake, at the party, and at the library.
“So now I don’t know what to do.” I bite my lip to keep from sobbing again. “I’m just so lost.”
Janice smiles. “I’m not surprised. I had a feeling that Kendal still had feelings for you. I also, figured you might still have some feelings for him. After all, you two did leave things in a weird place. I bet he thought you would think it over and come back to him.”
I close my eyes. “Maybe. I really did move on though.”
“I know, but that doesn’t mean you won’t still have lingering feelings for Kendal. He was your first love after all, right?”
I think it over for a minute and then agree.
“Okay. So there.”
I shake my head. “But that doesn’t solve anything. I can’t be with Michael if I still have these weird feelings for Kendal.”
“Then I think you need to figure out who you really want. You need to figure out if your feelings for Kendal are true feelings or if it’s just you remembering what your relationship with him used to be like.”
I sigh. “It would be so much easier if someone could just tell me what to do.”
Janice laughs. “Yah, but unfortunately, it’s something you have to figure out on your own. Don’t worry though. I think deep down you know who you really want. You’re just confused right now, but you’ll figure it out.”
Afterwards, I go into the kitchen to get some dinner. I’m kind of in the mood for breakfast though, so I whip up a batch of French toast.
Just as I finish, Tatyana and Selena come downstairs and each grab a plate.
“I love having breakfast for dinner!” Selena says, taking a bite of her toast. “And it’s amazing too! I, however, would have topped it with strawberries and shaken a bit of powdered sugar right over.”
Tatyana whistles. “That does sound pretty good.”
Selena then turns to me. “So, how are you holding up with the whole Michael break up thing?”
I look up alarmed. “What?”
“I know the two of you are on the skids. Michael doesn’t come around here and you’ve been crying almost every night.”
So, everyone in the house knew? My gosh! How embarrassing! I guess when you move into a house with a bunch of girls, you give up privacy.
I cough slightly to clear my throat. “Yes, well, Michael and I are going through some things right now.”
“Because of you and that Kendal guy, right?” Tatyana says, while taking a bite of her toast. When she notices my look of shock, she shrugs. “I saw the two of you getting close at the party, so I just assumed.”
Oh, that is just great.
“Well, it’s a bit complicated,” I say nervously, and shove a bite of toast into my mouth as well. This really wasn’t something that I wanted to discuss with them. It was just too personal.
“Personally, I think Michael is a keeper,” says Tatyana.
Selena nods. “Me too, but there is something special about your first love. That was Kendal, right?”
“Uh,” I am feeling really uncomfortable by all this. “Yes.”
Tatyana swallows her bite of toast. “I think the best way to figure out which guy you really want, is to picture your life without the two of them in it. Not to be morbid, but if something happened to them, which one would you not be able to live without?”
This question totally throws me. It is a very good question, but it was not one I was expecting. I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to either of them. But which guy would I not be able to live without? What a question…
“I think if you can figure that out, you’ll know which guy you want,” Tatyana continues. “Then you need to tell the other guy it’s over. For good.”
Selena nods. “That’s actually a good idea.”
I smile at them. “It really is. Thanks. Both of you.”
I then rise from my chair and take my dish to the sink.
I then go up to my room and change into my pajamas. All the while, I can’t stop thinking about that Tatyana said. If something happened to Michael or Kendal, who would I not be able to live without? She was right. It was morbid, but it was a good question. One that only takes me a minute to answer.
For what feels like the hundredth time, I dial up his number again.
“Hey Kendal, it’s me. We really need to talk.”