I seriously want to hit myself. Really I do. I underestimated the work going into starting my own sorority. I really did. Balancing that with trying to do well in all my classes, is definitely not working out for me. I can’t even make the simplest decisions like what our title should be, or our colors, let alone writing the rule guidelines and constitution. I feel like my head is spinning.
I barely notice what is going on in class that next week, my mind preoccupied with what I would be doing next for the sorority. There is still so much to do and I feel pressure to get it all done as soon as possible. Kimberly wants us to try and be on board by the end of the quarter, which I think is impossible. Still, that hasn’t stopped her from spreading the news around about our sorority even before anything else is done. Which of course, is putting more pressure on me. Still, I suppose she knows what she is doing. The more people we have the better.
So that Friday afternoon, I find myself in my dorm’s computer lab, typing away at my keyboard. With help from Kimberly, I have finally decided on a name, the “Beta Gamma Kappas.” We even figured out our colors, either Pink and gold or Pink and silver. I figured that was something we could decide when we formed an actual group. Right now, it was still just Kimberly and I, although it seemed like Janice was taking an interest. What I really wanted was for Lizzie to join. She was much more knowledgeable about all the technical paperwork and I know she could really help with all the guidelines and rules and the petition to the dean. Not to mention, she was an amazing writer. Me, not so much. But alas, I did not have her support. She kept saying she wished me the best and supported my decision, but I can read between the lines. I know she is unhappy about my starting a sorority because of everything last year. Still, I really thought she would come around after I explained that my sorority would be different. I guess no such luck.
I finally grow tired of staring at a blank page in my writing program and turn it off. I then get on the web and start looking up more information on starting my own sorority. The biggest issue right now, was getting approval from the dean to start. If I could only get the proposal written.
After another two hours, I am completely exhausted. I need to get out and get some fresh air. I turn off the computer monitor and sit in silence. Who would have thought this would be so difficult. Was this really a good idea? Was I really cut out for all this?
Checking my cell phone, I realize that I am running late to my next class. Taking a deep breath, I slip into some warm clothes (with November already here, the temperature is dropping) and head off to class.
I am in for an unpleasant surprise when I bump into Clare as I approach the building.
“Abby,” she says, with a little smirk. “Long time no see.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever Clare, I’m a bit busy if you would excuse me.”
“Oh yes, I know all about you’re pathetic attempt to start your own sorority.” She laughs. “So sad.”
I stop in my tracks. “What?”
“News travels fast.” Clare snickers. “I can’t believe you are even thinking about it. Do you actually think anyone would want to be in a sorority with you as the leader? You are a disaster waiting to happen.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Hello? You got a sorority expelled, remember?”
I grit my teeth. “You know exactly why!”
“Whatever,” Clare waves her hand. “Well, you are wasting your time. No one, and I mean no one, is going to be stupid enough to join you. And the fact that you actually think you can do it, is completely delusional. Your tainted Abby. No one wants you. ”
I glare at her. “You don’t know what you are talking about.”
“But I do Abby,” Clare smirks at me. “If you do this, it’s only going to hurt that much more when you fail. And trust me Abby, you will.” She then gives another irritating laugh and then heads off down the sidewalk. I so badly want to tackle her like I did last year, but I hold my ground. Fighting her wasn’t going to change anything. Besides, she was partially right. I hadn’t managed to find anyone else interested, let alone get the petition going. It was as if my sorority had failed before it even began. Maybe I was a failure.
I am so depressed about Clare’s statement, that I don’t even attend my next class. I just head back home to my dorm room. I lie in my bed for the next few hours before finally changing into my bedclothes. I know it’s only seven, but I don’t feel like going out tonight. I get a text from Lizzie asking if I want to join her and Janice for dinner at the dining hall and I decline. I am not really hungry. Instead, I head over to my easel and start to paint. Ten minutes in, I get a text and I pause to check my phone. It’s from Charls:
“Hey, I know you’re stressed, but hang in there. You can do this. I believe in you. Love, Charls.”
I smile. It’s nice to get some encouragement. Still, there was only one person I really needed it from and from the looks of things, I was never going to get it.
(Sorry short chapter today! Next one will be longer. Please enjoy, share, and comment if you liked it! More soon!)